Thursday, October 14, 2010

list list list list list

i feel as though i have a million things i need to do. i feel like im drowning in list. i make list for things i need to get done, things i want, things i want to accomplish, and try my best to organize it all. but i truly feel as though i have ZERO motivation. its just plain easier to say what i want to have accomplished than to take the steps to do it. i get so frustrated with myself and maybe my way of dealing with it is to make a list.
i am so beyond blessed right now in my life to have as much free time in my schedule as i currently do. a year ago i was the busiest i had ever been and while working a job that i loved with a great passion-I was allowing it to take over my life and every second of it was spent caring for someone else in crisis. not to mention i was learning the hardest task i had ever encountered: my role as a WIFE. oh, how i had envisioned this role with great excitement. but i found out quickly it was hard to figure out. (i am soooooo blessed with a very patient, encouraging, and loving husband-Thank you GOD for making that easy on me!)
so, my conclusion to this madness is that i create list as a way to organize in my mind all the things i feel i need to be doing and accomplishing and all while adding the things i am currently desiring. and now that i have these list and the free time-i need the motivation. i need the organization to prioritize (always been an issue for me). and i need a place to start.
i envy those that wear 8670467 hats. they seem to be able to do it all. but i am encouraged by them and find myself wanting to be like them. i want to be the best wife to my husband. i want to make our home a welcoming place that is tidy (hard to do with a Tripp living there) and safe. i want to allow our home to be inviting and comforting. i want to be a coupon expert saving our family money. i want to be creative. i want to be enticing to my husband. i want hobbies (my husband and all of his friends have a bizillion of them-i have come to believe its a man thang). i want to be a part of a bible study-i feel the need to grow spiritually and be apart of group of women growing together in their faith. i want to devote time to children in need. i want to ministor to teens facing unplanned pregnancies and i want to be apart of soemthing that will help put a stop to these destructive behaviors that are creating never ending cycles.
(and as you have noticed in the mist of sharing my heart, i have created yet another list-lord, pray for me.)